Flipping the Script Intro (Part 1/3)

 Thinking of how much I love my mom, and knowing how devastated she would've been had I decided to head out that window, helped pulled me back inside that night.

Thinking of how much I love my mom, and knowing how devastated she would've been had I decided to head out that window, helped pulled me back inside that night.

INTRODUCTION: SHAKING THINGS UP

As I sat on my toilet seat one cool October night, staring out the bathroom window of my tenth-floor apartment and begging God to forgive me for the choice I was about to make, I knew I’d reached a new low. I’d struggled with depression my entire life, and the thought of ending it all had crept into my psyche more times than I could count, but I’d always been able to pull myself together and keep pushing forward.  At such moments, I would weigh the pros and cons of taking my own life, and every single time I came to the same conclusion.

My life was still worth living.  

This night was different, though. On this night, I could not find a single reason to live.  Sure, I knew how devastated my family and friends would be, but for the first time in my life, that wasn’t enough to stop me from making what would be the last choice I’d ever make. I leaned toward the window, hands on either side of the frame and looked down. This was the closest I’d ever gotten to actually acting on my dark thoughts, and it filled me with the deepest shame I’ve ever experienced.

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and then, as if being called to do so, I looked up.

I wasn’t sure why, but in that moment, it was as if I were a puppet and someone above was tugging at my strings, reminding me to focus upwards. There were quite a few stars in the sky that night—a rarity, given the brightness of the city lights of Los Angeles.  And just as quickly as my gaze turned upwards, I felt a jolt to my system, followed by a sudden peace.

Moments later, I’m not even sure how, I found myself in front of my bathroom mirror. It was at that moment, as my focus locked in on the pair of deep brown eyes staring back at me, that I knew I had two options.

One: I could head out that window, leaving my destiny unfulfilled and my loved ones to pick up the pieces that I was too broken to glue together on my own.

Two: I could look through my own eyes, deep into my soul, and work on making the changes necessary so that I never put myself in this situation again.

The two years since that night have transformed my life and opened my eyes to moments in my past that brought me to that point, and eventually, to where I am now.

This book is about that journey...

(COME BACK WEDNESDAY FOR PART 2 OF THE INTRODUCTION TO MY BOOK, FLIPPING THE SCRIPT)